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We’ve got 7 of ‘Star Wars’ Dumbest Tech Moments

Image courtesy Disney

Forcing the Issue

Despite the existence of Star Wars Super Sweet Canned Corn, and Disney’s unrelenting publicity machine, we can’t help but be excited by midnight’s release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

We’ve always been dazzled by the techtopia imagined by George Lucas and co., but even the most richly imagined worlds get it wrong sometimes. Hell, even reality gets it wrong – how many people do you see walking around with an Amazon Fire phone?

Before we get started, please note two things.

First, we only concerned ourselves with the tech in Episodes I – III – in part because insulting Episodes IV – VI felt like sacrilege, but largely because, after sitting through seven hours of prequels, the idea of watching any more of this stuff was just too much to take.

And second, as you might have discerned, we are not Star Wars fanatics. So it’s distinctly possible we’ll get the name of Queen Amidala’s home planet or Boba Fett’s step-uncle wrong. Please forgive us.

Queen Amidala’s Luggage
Queen Amidala's Luggage

We’re well aware this is “a long time ago”, but we’re supposed to believe that these civilizations have mastered interstellar travel but still haven’t managed to invent the rollie?

Those Tiny Lights
Tiny Lights in star wars

You can’t get on a single spaceship in the Star Wars universe without being confronted by monitors surrounded by dozens of tiny LED-style lights. Just imagine trying to match those things up with the Millennium Falcon’s instruction manual, and tell us there isn’t a better way.

This Eye Patch Thing
Eye Patch

We’re not sure exactly what purpose this eye patch-cum-tech play does, but even Google Glass wasn’t as obnoxious as this thing.

Slow Your Roll
star wars holograms

This hologram communications technology is definitely cool, but someone in the Galactic Republic needs to talk about improving their wifi speeds.

The Health Care Industry
cotton pad healthcare

They’ve got the technology to test young Anakin’s midi-chlorian levels with a simple blood test, but apparently they’re still swabbing wounds with grubby cotton pads.

This Headset
star wars headset

Madonna managed to make this look cool. Anakin Skywalker, you are no Madonna.

C-3P0
star wars droids

There, we said it. Even a masochist wouldn’t design a droid this irritating.

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